echoes the thought: “Suddenly the problem isn’t, ‘I know you so well’, it’s, ‘I don’t know you at all’. In a long marriage, you’ve got the backstory, the front story, you’ve shared a story, maybe had children together, moved through the world together. There are all these shared events and there’s a kind of shorthand between you.”
That old ease might explain why some people choose to reconnect with lovers from their youth: you’ve shared a past, they know John was your favourite Beatle, they’re physically familiar. “This whole dating thing is both exhausting and exciting,” says. “If there’s a spark, it can be really exciting. You can become more set in your ways as you get older. Your habits, your likes and dislikes are more bedded down. It’s good to challenge all that. You actually learn different things about yourself because you’re no longer in a relationship with the person who was your familiar reflective mirror for so long.”
I ask Nick why he persisted with the dating circuit for years, even after so many wrong turns and some heartbreak along the way
It’s not for everyone. Maggie Owens says she knows plenty of women her age who have chosen to be on their own. “They’ve had upsets of one sort or another in their previous relationships and they just wouldn’t go back again, wouldn’t give it another go. They have their work and their friends or whatever and it’s enough for them.”
Owens knew she wanted to find a significant other and she kept at it, even though the online dating was “torture”. In the end, she met her husband through friends.
“For me, it’s about physical intimacy. I’d lived alone for many years and you do miss that closeness. It’s also having someone you can rely on, someone who’s got your back. I have a lot of friends but it’s not the same.”